MR PORTER
Nike product copy
Maison Margiela product copy
I spent four years in-house as MR PORTER’s main sub-editor – promoted from mid-level to senior after just eight months – and have since worked with the brand as a freelance client. As a guardian of the MR PORTER tone of voice, I edited 90+ menswear product descriptions per day for luxury brands including Bottega Veneta, Gucci, Prada, Saint Laurent and Versace.
Raw copy:
Without having to shout 'I love Dogs' from the rooftops, Balenciaga's tee is an ideal way to pledge allegiance to your favourite furry friends. Printed with a handmade collage featuring the design team's pooches, it's cut from lightweight cotton-jersey in an oversized fit.
My edits:
You may want to shout 'I LOVE DOGS' from the rooftops, but Balenciaga's tee is the ultimutt (sorry) way to pledge allegiance to your favourite four-legged friends. Printed with a collage featuring the design team's pooches, it's cut from mid-weight cotton-jersey in the brand's signature oversized fit.
Editing notes:
– The edited intro flows better and sets up the joke nicely.
– The capitalisation in ‘I love Dogs’ was a little strange – it’s better to emulate the case on the T-shirt (particularly in the context of the sentence).
– This is a very playful piece and we can afford to push the tone further – particularly for a brand like Balenciaga – hence the addition of ‘ultimutt’ wordplay.
– A few factual tweaks: the T-shirt was actually mid-weight, and the collage wasn’t handmade.
Raw copy:
Nike's Swoosh has been a part of the brand since 1972 - it was originally penned by Ms Carolyn Davidson while studying at Portland State University (who, incidentally, only invoiced $35 for it). It's embroidered onto the chest of this simple cotton-piqué polo shirt, making it instantly identifiable.
My edits:
Nike's 'Swoosh' has been a part of the brand since 1971 – it was originally sketched by Ms Carolyn Davidson (who, incidentally, only invoiced $35 for it) while studying at Portland State University. It's embroidered onto the chest of this simple cotton-piqué polo shirt, making it instantly identifiable.
Editing notes:
– ‘Swoosh’ needs to be in single quotation marks per house style.
– The ‘Swoosh’ debuted in 1971, not 1972.
– There’s a dangling modifier in the original copy – it was Carolyn Davidson who only invoiced $35 for the logo, not Portland State University.
Raw copy:
'Tabi' boots have become Maison Margiela's most recognisable design - they were Mr Martin Margiela's interpretation of the split-toed Japanese tabi sock. For the latest version, off-white paint has been poured down the breathable linen uppers and narrows into droplets towards the stacked heels. The concealed hook fastenings ensure a snug fit.
My edits:
The 'Tabi' boots debuted as part of Mr Martin Margiela's first collection in the late '80s and have since gone on to become the house's signature; at the show, the designer coated his models' shoes in red lacquer so the unusual silhouette imprinted on the white runway. For the latest version, paint has been poured down the linen uppers and narrows into droplets towards the stacked heels.
Editing notes:
– The fashion-literate Margiela customer doesn’t need to be told that the Tabis are the brand’s most recognisable design.
– The edited description contextualises this specific pair, explaining why there is paint poured over the boots.
– The original intro repeats ‘Margiela’, which reads clunkily.
Balenciaga product copy